What do you do in your free time?

This goes out to all the girl(s/-friends) who, when faced with the question above,  cannot name at least three hobbies or interests they follow.

Why do I feel like I have to write about this? I'll tell you why.

I used to be one of them. A few years ago I was stuck in a very unhealthy relationship but still felt completely attached to my boyfriend. Spending time with him was my favourite pastime, which many of you will be able to identify with. Generally speaking this is not a problem, however, it can become an issue when spending time with your boyfriend is the only thing which makes you truly happy. I was still seeing friends and family regularly but more often than not it did not make me feel as fulfilled as being with my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, was the complete opposite; going out with his mates and spending hours in the gym six times a week formed essential parts of his week. You can take a guess how often we made each other unhappy because of this situation.

Why I felt so attached to him is hard to admit but easy to answer: receiving his attention felt like a confidence boost to me. Organising time away from him thus meant depriving myself of this source of self-esteem and comfort. I still find myself trapped in this feeling from time to time, even though I am in a very happy and healthy relationship now and my self-confidence has grown immensely.

While I was studying abroad I shared a floor in a student house with 19 other people, most of whom I developed a friendship with. However, one thing always bothered me: While the boys spent their time playing rugby in the hallway or investing in a miniature ping pong table, all the girls seemed to get up to was watching television or chatting about boys and friends. Even though I do enjoy having a coffee with a girlfriend while talking about the newest gossip, it hit me like a cold splash of water in the face that I was missing something. I was jealous of the boys! Of their activities, of their ability to enjoy each other's company without missing their girlfriends.

Find a new hobby and DO IT

So if you can identify with these feelings, tell yourself everyday that you are awesome- not because a guy (your boyfriend) tells you so, but because you know it and you are proud of who you are.

Find out what you truly enjoy and take time away from your relationship to follow your new hobby. It will feel like a stupid thing to do at first, but believe me, it's totally worth it! Here's another positive: he will find your new confidence extremely attractive...

Make yourself presentable!

I was invited to a job interview two weeks ago and I found myself struggling with creating the perfect female appearance. What comes natural to so many women feels like a chore to me. Using the perfect make-up, making my hair look extra stylish and professional and painting my nails can be rather stressful tasks for a woman who prefers to spend as little time as possible getting ready in the morning. 

To be clear from the beginning: this is not a rant about women who enjoy using make-up and doing their nails, it's a rant about society asking every woman to adhere to the 'norm' of what has now become the image of a representable, professional-looking woman. 

This is not to say that women should not be asked to turn up clean and tidy when invited to a job interview. Rather, it is a question about what constitutes a 'tidy' woman? 

If it is acceptable for me to use a minimal amount of make-up and rock the natural but tidy look once I have been employed (however, this obviously depends on the industry), why is it that I get told I should use more make-up and spend more time doing my nails for the interview? 

Has it really become unacceptable for women to look as natural as possible if they wish to do so? Presenting yourself with seemingly perfect skin, bigger eyes, shiny nails and rosy cheeks has become a necessity and is no longer a choice. In modern times where women have the right and opportunity to lead companies, rule countries and get dirty in a game of rugby, why is it that we are still clinging on to the stereotype of the beautiful woman when it comes to job interviews?  

Time to take the next step towards gender equality

I campaign for an equal treatment of men and women in this respect. A clean, professional look does not require a layer of chemicals on a man's face, and I refuse to accept that it does on a woman's face. This is about raising women's status in society by focusing on what actually matters: skills, passion and knowledge!

How emancipated is your family?

Recently I observed an argument between one of my friends (let's call her Fiona) and her father. I had been invited to their house for lunch and after we had all finished our meal, Fiona's mother disappeared into the kitchen to do the dishes and tidy up. Me, Fiona and her father remained in the adjacent living room, reading magazines and chatting. After about 20 minutes, her mother shouted for Fiona's help in the kitchen. My friend, pulling faces, got up from the sofa and joined her mother. The argument that followed triggered the idea for this post.

Fiona accused her mother of unfairly allocating housework to the girls in the family, while the men were left to themselves. While her mother was taken aback by the accusation, she mumbled what sounded like a guilty 'Yes, you are right' to me. Alarmed by his daughter's sudden outburst, Fiona's father rushed into the kitchen in an attempt to regain authority in the household. 'Do you really think what you are saying is appropriate? I don't like it. You just don't want to help', he shouted at her. Unable to explain to her father the difference between not wanting to help and the unjust allocation of housework in the family, Fiona angrily took to the work she was asked to do. While storming out of the kitchen, her father said 'stop bringing up this feminist bull****, you are just lazy!'

I can only imagine the frustration my friend must have felt in that moment. Not only did her mother silently admit that Fiona was right but she also did not speak up against her husband. The rest of the family advised Fiona not to bring up any feminist issues again in the future- things are the way they are and it's just not worth it.

Is it really not worth it? Do we just have to accept that our parents' generation was in part brought up with different values and gender roles? And if so, how much of an impact has this generation already had on our behaviour in regards to housework chores and a fair division of labour?

Fiona's mother later on asked me about the division of labour in my own relationship,blatantly searching for an answer to the questions raised in her. The discussion left me with the thought that even if Fiona's outburst will not have the drastic effect she was hoping to see- at least she managed to make her mother question the situation.

My advice to Fiona and everybody who has seen a similar situation: swallow your anger and head for a more constructive discussion with your mother instead. She is the only one who can really impact on her husband's behaviour anyway. You never know what can come from a good old chat from woman to woman.