How emancipated is your family?

Recently I observed an argument between one of my friends (let's call her Fiona) and her father. I had been invited to their house for lunch and after we had all finished our meal, Fiona's mother disappeared into the kitchen to do the dishes and tidy up. Me, Fiona and her father remained in the adjacent living room, reading magazines and chatting. After about 20 minutes, her mother shouted for Fiona's help in the kitchen. My friend, pulling faces, got up from the sofa and joined her mother. The argument that followed triggered the idea for this post.

Fiona accused her mother of unfairly allocating housework to the girls in the family, while the men were left to themselves. While her mother was taken aback by the accusation, she mumbled what sounded like a guilty 'Yes, you are right' to me. Alarmed by his daughter's sudden outburst, Fiona's father rushed into the kitchen in an attempt to regain authority in the household. 'Do you really think what you are saying is appropriate? I don't like it. You just don't want to help', he shouted at her. Unable to explain to her father the difference between not wanting to help and the unjust allocation of housework in the family, Fiona angrily took to the work she was asked to do. While storming out of the kitchen, her father said 'stop bringing up this feminist bull****, you are just lazy!'

I can only imagine the frustration my friend must have felt in that moment. Not only did her mother silently admit that Fiona was right but she also did not speak up against her husband. The rest of the family advised Fiona not to bring up any feminist issues again in the future- things are the way they are and it's just not worth it.

Is it really not worth it? Do we just have to accept that our parents' generation was in part brought up with different values and gender roles? And if so, how much of an impact has this generation already had on our behaviour in regards to housework chores and a fair division of labour?

Fiona's mother later on asked me about the division of labour in my own relationship,blatantly searching for an answer to the questions raised in her. The discussion left me with the thought that even if Fiona's outburst will not have the drastic effect she was hoping to see- at least she managed to make her mother question the situation.

My advice to Fiona and everybody who has seen a similar situation: swallow your anger and head for a more constructive discussion with your mother instead. She is the only one who can really impact on her husband's behaviour anyway. You never know what can come from a good old chat from woman to woman.