Take the leap sisters!!

Inspiration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc Please listen and share!

The struggle with tradition

Ever thought about your wedding day? As we grow up, our vision of the 'most important day of our lives' can change dramatically. Sometimes the divorce of our parents can destroy the illusion of a happy marriage until death,  other times we develop a different opinion on religion and struggle with the moral underpinnings of marriage. For me, however, it is one specific aspect of the wedding ceremony I have always imagined which does not agree with me anymore- 

I don't want to be given away by my father! 

Why? Because I cannot stand the idea of being seen as my father's property, I am not his to 'give away'! And give away to whom? To another man, of course. I, however, know that my mother has had an equal share of responsibility for me since I was born. In fact, many mothers nowadays still take on the lion share of child care, which should show in moments like the above. Why is not acceptable for mothers to 'give away' their child? Can we imagine a future in which both parents lead their daughter down aisle, one left and one right?

Or even better: Noone has to give us away, because we do not belong to anybody but ourselves!

The dicision to get married is in the majority of cases a personal choice made by Western women. It is not an agreement between a father and a future husband anymore and should not be treated as such during the wedding ceremony. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Happy World Women's Day

 

I hope you all had a wonderful World Women's Day!

Different But Equal?

Western Society has adopted a seemingly universal understanding of gender equality- men and women are equal and should therefore be treated equally in front of the law. We can all agree on that, right?

However, what many of us tend to forget is that our view on gender roles and rights is only one of many-equally valid?- views out there. It just seems too easy to judge foreign cultural and/or religious practises as unequal and hence unfit for modern society just because they do not agree with out parameters. Who, after all, decides what is just and what is unjust?

Let's talk about one of the major cultural conflicts we are facing in the world today: Islamic vs. Western views on gender equality.

For many Muslims, men and women were created for different purposes, which can be seen in their physical differences. God's intention for a man is to provide for his family, to work hard and manage the financial situation. Women, on the other hand, are created to nurture and raise their children and to manage the household. However, this does not always result in a ban on work for women or a ban on childcare for men. Islamic cultures are extremely pluralistic and colourful in their approach to gender roles and freedoms.

Even more interesting, some Muslim women feel they secretly have an advantage over their husbands, especially when it comes to financial independence. As women are not required to provide for their families, they are entitled to keep their wages to themselves and spend it on whatever they want. Free from any kind of financial burden, these women actually feel lucky to have escaped the responsibilities laid upon the male members of the family.

Can we thus confidently say that Islam promotes gender inequality?

While some Muslim women agree with the gender roles set out in the holy scriptures, others do not, and it's here where the real criticism should start. As long as women are acting out of conviction, nobody should try and change their way of living. If women do not agree with the lives set out for them, they should not be coerced into obedience.

Gender equality can have many faces but underlying all of them is the simply principle of freedom: give every man and every woman a free choice to detrmine what is just and equal in a relationship and you will achieve true equality. 

This way we can be so different but equal at the same time.

Own your body- and stop the chatter

Why are we still judging women-and recently also men- who enjoy an active sex life with several partners? How come we attach morality to one of the most basic human instincts and needs- a fulfilled sex life?

We have to stop calling singles names just because they openly follow this instinct. Society has to accept that a person's sex life does not negatively influence his/her moral values or outlook on life in general. It's simply a bodily need that wants to be fulfilled- no more and no less.

Instead of eradicating all kinds of insults towards sexually active singles, society has opted for the less progressive option of including men into the negative chatter. They are now called man whores- a ridiculous attempt to please feminists complaining about the unequal judgement of sexually active men and women. 

So why do we make a connection between sex and morality? 

With contraception being available to every woman and man in the UK, the possibility of leaving a pregnant woman behind after a one night stand is simply not a good enough reason anymore. However, it seems society has not successfully cut the cord between the two yet- sex and morality- a destructive concept alien to human nature. 

Christopher Dombres-Flickr

Why is an active sex life immoral?

The only way sex outside of a relationship should be seen as immoral is if the parameters of the encounter are not clear to all parties, i.e. if the man or the woman expects a relationship to develop while the other person does not and is not honest about his/her intent.

If the rules of love making are set out clearly between all parties and everybody agrees with them- where does the immorality creep in?

It's simply not there- in theory, that is. In reality we still value a woman's virginity as a moral asset and show our disgrace about a man who 'sleeps around'.

Embrace your inner desires- embrace your nature

Humanity has to accept and embrace the fact that sexual desire is part of our nature and there is nothing wrong with that. If you agree with me, be part of the change and refuse to judge people on their sex life in the future.

Who runs the world?

I was born in a country which is currently ruled by a woman and has been for the past 9 years, so a big reason to be proud! Right?

As some of you might have already guessed, I was born in Germany and the woman I am talking about is Angela Merkel.Instead of embracing the fact that a woman has fought her way through what is still a very male dominated area and made it all the way to the top, I have heard women stating that Angela Merkel is just not very "female". She can thus not be taken as proof that women can be just as successful in any political role and domain as men! 

I was so shocked to hear this! What they were actually saying is: She isn't very attractive and way more intellectual than the average woman (she earned a doctorate as a physical chemist), ergo she cannot be described as "very female". I hope some of you find this way of thinking just as appalling as I do.

Embrace diversity among women!

I agree that she does not match our idea of a sexy woman and her interest and understanding of Physics does not come natural to many women- HOWEVER- instead of describing her as unfeminine I would like people to acknowledge that she is a different, less common type of woman. BUT SHE IS NONETHELESS A WOMAN/FEMALE!

Just be proud to have such a brilliant, strong-willed woman in your society and focus on what actually matters!

I can give you another example.

In 2013, Ursula von der Leyen was the first woman in the history of Germany to be elected Minister of Defence, which caused a heated discussion in my circle of friends. Some men actually thought she was not fit for the position because she is a woman and women lack the ability to make informed decisions in this field. Women should stick to what matches their natural tendencies- caring for others for example. 

The main problem I have with this criticism is that the men who held the post previous to von der Leyen were completely new to the subject matter as well, as is common practise in politics! Some of them probably attended the national military service as adolescents but even then one cannot draw such a simple and sexist conclusion. Doing a good job as a minister requires a lot of networking with the people on the ground, with colleagues and experts. I can't see why a woman would not be capable of that. 

So stop the sexism and be open to changes- there is more to come. 

What do you do in your free time?

This goes out to all the girl(s/-friends) who, when faced with the question above,  cannot name at least three hobbies or interests they follow.

Why do I feel like I have to write about this? I'll tell you why.

I used to be one of them. A few years ago I was stuck in a very unhealthy relationship but still felt completely attached to my boyfriend. Spending time with him was my favourite pastime, which many of you will be able to identify with. Generally speaking this is not a problem, however, it can become an issue when spending time with your boyfriend is the only thing which makes you truly happy. I was still seeing friends and family regularly but more often than not it did not make me feel as fulfilled as being with my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, was the complete opposite; going out with his mates and spending hours in the gym six times a week formed essential parts of his week. You can take a guess how often we made each other unhappy because of this situation.

Why I felt so attached to him is hard to admit but easy to answer: receiving his attention felt like a confidence boost to me. Organising time away from him thus meant depriving myself of this source of self-esteem and comfort. I still find myself trapped in this feeling from time to time, even though I am in a very happy and healthy relationship now and my self-confidence has grown immensely.

While I was studying abroad I shared a floor in a student house with 19 other people, most of whom I developed a friendship with. However, one thing always bothered me: While the boys spent their time playing rugby in the hallway or investing in a miniature ping pong table, all the girls seemed to get up to was watching television or chatting about boys and friends. Even though I do enjoy having a coffee with a girlfriend while talking about the newest gossip, it hit me like a cold splash of water in the face that I was missing something. I was jealous of the boys! Of their activities, of their ability to enjoy each other's company without missing their girlfriends.

Find a new hobby and DO IT

So if you can identify with these feelings, tell yourself everyday that you are awesome- not because a guy (your boyfriend) tells you so, but because you know it and you are proud of who you are.

Find out what you truly enjoy and take time away from your relationship to follow your new hobby. It will feel like a stupid thing to do at first, but believe me, it's totally worth it! Here's another positive: he will find your new confidence extremely attractive...

Make yourself presentable!

I was invited to a job interview two weeks ago and I found myself struggling with creating the perfect female appearance. What comes natural to so many women feels like a chore to me. Using the perfect make-up, making my hair look extra stylish and professional and painting my nails can be rather stressful tasks for a woman who prefers to spend as little time as possible getting ready in the morning. 

To be clear from the beginning: this is not a rant about women who enjoy using make-up and doing their nails, it's a rant about society asking every woman to adhere to the 'norm' of what has now become the image of a representable, professional-looking woman. 

This is not to say that women should not be asked to turn up clean and tidy when invited to a job interview. Rather, it is a question about what constitutes a 'tidy' woman? 

If it is acceptable for me to use a minimal amount of make-up and rock the natural but tidy look once I have been employed (however, this obviously depends on the industry), why is it that I get told I should use more make-up and spend more time doing my nails for the interview? 

Has it really become unacceptable for women to look as natural as possible if they wish to do so? Presenting yourself with seemingly perfect skin, bigger eyes, shiny nails and rosy cheeks has become a necessity and is no longer a choice. In modern times where women have the right and opportunity to lead companies, rule countries and get dirty in a game of rugby, why is it that we are still clinging on to the stereotype of the beautiful woman when it comes to job interviews?  

Time to take the next step towards gender equality

I campaign for an equal treatment of men and women in this respect. A clean, professional look does not require a layer of chemicals on a man's face, and I refuse to accept that it does on a woman's face. This is about raising women's status in society by focusing on what actually matters: skills, passion and knowledge!

How emancipated is your family?

Recently I observed an argument between one of my friends (let's call her Fiona) and her father. I had been invited to their house for lunch and after we had all finished our meal, Fiona's mother disappeared into the kitchen to do the dishes and tidy up. Me, Fiona and her father remained in the adjacent living room, reading magazines and chatting. After about 20 minutes, her mother shouted for Fiona's help in the kitchen. My friend, pulling faces, got up from the sofa and joined her mother. The argument that followed triggered the idea for this post.

Fiona accused her mother of unfairly allocating housework to the girls in the family, while the men were left to themselves. While her mother was taken aback by the accusation, she mumbled what sounded like a guilty 'Yes, you are right' to me. Alarmed by his daughter's sudden outburst, Fiona's father rushed into the kitchen in an attempt to regain authority in the household. 'Do you really think what you are saying is appropriate? I don't like it. You just don't want to help', he shouted at her. Unable to explain to her father the difference between not wanting to help and the unjust allocation of housework in the family, Fiona angrily took to the work she was asked to do. While storming out of the kitchen, her father said 'stop bringing up this feminist bull****, you are just lazy!'

I can only imagine the frustration my friend must have felt in that moment. Not only did her mother silently admit that Fiona was right but she also did not speak up against her husband. The rest of the family advised Fiona not to bring up any feminist issues again in the future- things are the way they are and it's just not worth it.

Is it really not worth it? Do we just have to accept that our parents' generation was in part brought up with different values and gender roles? And if so, how much of an impact has this generation already had on our behaviour in regards to housework chores and a fair division of labour?

Fiona's mother later on asked me about the division of labour in my own relationship,blatantly searching for an answer to the questions raised in her. The discussion left me with the thought that even if Fiona's outburst will not have the drastic effect she was hoping to see- at least she managed to make her mother question the situation.

My advice to Fiona and everybody who has seen a similar situation: swallow your anger and head for a more constructive discussion with your mother instead. She is the only one who can really impact on her husband's behaviour anyway. You never know what can come from a good old chat from woman to woman.